Our Porcelain Life: Our Sunshine

sun·shine (noun)

Brightness or radiance; cheerfulness or happiness.

A source of cheer or happiness.

When I first heard the word Sunshine in the baby loss community I had no idea what it meant. I now know that it is used to describe your first child or the child before your angel. Nathalia is our Sunshine. She is our only living child. And I can in all honesty say that she is what has kept me going. She challenges me in so many ways! She pushes me to be a better person not just a better mother. After losing Emmaliese she was my saving grace. She was the reason that I got up each morning, the reason that I showered, ate and functioned. She fits the definition of Sunshine to a T. She brings so much light, cheerfulness and happiness to not only our world but everyone she meets. I will do everything that I can to protect her but at the same time let her live and learn. Nathalia has been through more than any child should. She lost a sibling. One that she was very much looking forward to having. She was looking forward to teaching her how to walk and talk and even help me change diapers. For a 7 year old Nathalia is the bravest of them all! One of the things that I love most about Nathalia is that even though she doesn’t have her sister here with her, they still have that sister bond that I know a lot of people look for. When Emmaliese was born and we found out she was sick and then later that she would most likely pass away, Nathalia was in her first year of dance and as hard as it was for me to go back to our daily activities, I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for her. So I did what I had to do and became a ‘dance mom’ hahaha. Nathalia took to dance like a natural and she has been doing it for 3 years now and according to her will dance forever and when she grows up she will be a dance teacher. In a way I think dancing is Nathalia’s coping mechanism just like writing is mine. She gives dancing %110. And luckily for us she gives as much to school. She loves to read (just like me J ) She finished

Kindergarten a whole grade ahead and started 1^st grade reading at a second grade level. She loves school! Perfect attendance and Honor Roll every semester in 1^st grade. A lot of people say that we spoil her too much. But I say that for all that she has been through it’s the least we can do. She earns everything she has by being the best daughter anyone can hope for. She is very respectful, smart, and helpful, follows the rules, and has way too much energy for her own good and knows her mind. She comes up with her birthday party themes and helps with the execution of it all. Sometimes I think she is older than her 7 years. We are very lucky to have such an incredible daughter! The past two years have been busy and exciting ones. We took trips to Disneyland, she has had dance recitals and dance performances at our annual Apricot Fiesta, and she has made new friends, while keeping in touch with her old ones. She has lost teeth and the new ones have come in. She took a ride on a pony, she danced with Hula dancers, learned that she loves to go on rides no matter how high or how fast they go. She made it all the way across the monkey bars with no help. She never missed a day of school and was never late either. She mastered the splits which according to her is the biggest thing to accomplish lol. Nathalia just simply amazes us! Now get ready to be bombarded with pictures after pictures of our very beautiful Sunshine!