A few post in one

 My meeting with the support group went really well. It was nice to talk to someone who understands your feelings. And to just let the tears fall! Looing forward to the next one.

Yesterday Emmaliese would have turned 3 months and as more time passes I miss her more and more. Probably because at 3 months she would have been doing more things. We would have been able to see her being more active, starting to babble and make noises. We would have been taking her 3month pictures and also some family ones. I would have been recording her milestone  and as crazy as it sounds I would already be looking at ideas for her 1st Birthday. I can picture her chubby cheeks and all. With her head full of hair and with her bows. And those big beautiful eyes that were always looking at her surroundings. I can still feel her little hand holding my finger and holding on tight. I still ask Why? Why us? Did we do something so bad that we had to loose our little girl? It's not fair!!!! Not just to us but to her....she didnt get to expierence crawling, her first step. We didnt get to hear her call us Mama and Papa. She won't know what it feel like to walk on grass, to see and hear the beach, She wont get to taste her birthday cake. I guess if we look at the other side she wont know what pain is, she won't have any scraped knees, or be afraid of the dark, she wont know heartache. I know that she's in heaven and has everything she needs.I just wished that we had her with us. I love and miss you sooo much my munch-chicken.

Yesterday I also recievd a call from the genetics doctor, our test results are in. He didn't really explain them to us just said that both my husband and I both carry one gene of the Surfactant Deficiency and that as we had known Emmaliese got two of them and that is why she had the dificency. we have an appointment with him in May. Can you believe it?! we have to wait till May to actually know exactly what that means and get a full and complete explaination of the results! UGH!!! It felt like forever to get the results(even tho we got them soooner then we expected) And May is still so far away. But what else can we do but wait.