For some reason today I just felt weird, and it wasnt until a few minutes before my husband, Horacio and I put Nathalia to sleep that it hit me why, see he asked me what was wrong, that today I looked sad. And yes I am sad, I have been sad since my little girl was in the NICU at both hospitals, since we had to make the decision to take her off the machine that was keeping her alive, since I held her while she slowing took her last breath and her heart had its last heartbeat, since we buried my little girl I have been sad even if it doesnt seem like it. But knowing that I have him to hold my hand, to hold me while I cry, to listen to me talk and talk and talk and make no sense, to have him help me take care of Nathalia, to wash the dishes, to clean our room, to just know that he knows what I am going to ask him before I even ask it has helped me be less sad. He has helped me smile and laugh when it hurst to, when it feels wrong to because we dont have our little girl with us. He has helped me feel okay about my feelings, that I didnt have a nervous break while our little girl was slipping away, but that I still cried everynight in his arms because I didnt want other to see me as weak or to feel sorry for me I didnt and in a way dont want people to feel sorry for me, see I was blessed to have had a daughter and I am now blessed with an angel. He understood and still understand my way of grieving. I have always been the strong one in our family, the caretaker and I felt that I didnt have time to breakdown while my little girl was so sick. I had to make sure I understood exactly what the doctors told me and to fully understand what was going on. I am very lucky to have him by my side. His birthday is coming up on February 17th, and I know that even if he acts like its no big deal he was looking forward to celebrating his 28th birthday with his two princess'. And in a way he will because Emmaliese will be celebrating her daddy's birthday with us from heaven. Horacio is not only a great husband, his not the most romantic guy but he defenitely has his moments, but also a WONDERFUL dad. He always puts Nathalia and even my needs before his. I remember a couple years back he only had one good going out jacket but he wouldnt buy himself another one because he would rather spend the mony on buying stuff for Nathalia and me. I literally had to force him to buy it.
I guess I just wanted to take some time and tell him and everyone that I love him with all my heart and that I am so grateful to have him in my life. I honestly don't know what would have been of me during this difficult time if he had not been with me. Horacio you are an amazing father Nathalia is sooo lucky to have you as her daddy, you have tought her so many things, have been there for her, and she always knows that you love her with all you heart. and I know that Emmalise felt the same way. She always knew when you were by her side, and she would look for you when she heard your voice and would always hold your finger.You showed her so much love and affection in that one month and one week that we had with her. She always knew and will continue to know that you love her and that she will always be your porcelain doll. Horacio tus dos hijas siempre van a saber que tu las amas, que son tu adoracion. Gracias por ser el mejor papa del mundo y el mejor esposo.
Thank you for making me feel okay about my feelings and for understanding me. Especially for loving me the way I am.
 |
| Emmaliese and daddy |
 |
| Daddy with his girl <3 |
 |
Nathalia and daddy
|
No comments:
Post a Comment